“And in the name of True Newtdom. In the name of Glory and Greatness. [Our] slogan is, it’s us or them.”
The War with the Newts
The hallmark of a star science fiction writer is that his prophecies come true. Jules Verne, H. G. Wells, Aldous Huxley, Isaac Asimov, Robert Heinlein and Ray Bradbury all accurately predicted the future. It is this gift of prophecy, of clairvoyance, that is key.
Republican contenders for the Presidential nomination, other than Newt Gingrich, should read two books by Karel Čapek, the Czech 1920-30’s science fiction author, R.U.R. [Russum’s Universal Robots]  and The War with the Newts  They are a blueprint for man’s rise and fall from grace. The Presidential hopefuls, especially Mitt Romney, should study them, heed their lesson and using them defeat that wily old salamander Newt, winning the coveted prize.
In R.U.R. Čapek used the word “robot” invented by his brother, coined the term and launched it into the world and the English language. “Robot” translates as “work” but it has a secondary meaning: indentured service, not quite a slave, more like a serf. Čapek’s robots were not clanging mechanical contraptions. They are biological entities of flesh and blood often mistaken for human, some quite beautiful and erotic, exploited by men until they rebel and destroy their masters.
Which brings us to the fair Callista, once but a concubine, now Newt Gingrich’s wife #3, a self-proclaimed muse; she aspires to be the First Lady. She sits off to the side, preening and sporting empty smirks, bedecked with Tiffany baubles said to cost half a million dollars while the candidate prattles on regurgitating once again his stump speech.
Her porcelain face is framed by an “impervious platinum helmet of hair.” That hair can’t be human; it’s made of spun plastic. Look closely and you realize that she is one of Čapek’s exotic robots, a couture adorned Barbie doll.
This female robot is a Manchurian Candidate manipulated by sinister forces bent on destroying Newt’s chances to become the leader of the Free World. This wanton hussy of a robot has rent asunder Newt’s marriage #2 and has blemished his up to now pristine record of sanctity and probity. This must be Romney’s, Santorum’s and Paul’s plot to discredit Newt, based on Čapek’s teachings. Callista was sent to lead him astray, to lead him to ever greater transgressions. Tiffany’s must be appeased time and time again.
Callista’s controllers must have read Čapek’s other book, The War with the Newts, especially the chapter “The Sex Life of the Newts”. As that chapter notes “sex, reproduction, love, marriage, family, the status of women and so on are as popular now as they always have been” in any self respecting Utopia, or Utopia to be, like the one that Newt wants to preside over.
Today’s male Republicans fret over abortion, stem cell research, same sex marriage, gay rights and those hallowed family values they love to espouse and then promptly violate. Their feminine counterparts, on the other hand, remain in the background manipulating the strings of power. “However vainly the cock may crow … it is the female that, in most species, nature has given the dominant role in life.”
Callista is programed to egg on old Newt to cock-a-doodle his nonsense in the barnyard of politics until he self-destructs or until the other chickens in that Animal Farm peck him to death. She will leave him in that barnyard’s dust and move on the bigger and better things.
Science fiction aside, according to legend, Callista was an Arcadian nymph who metamorphosed into an avenging she-bear. Before she does and becomes a man-devouring mama grizzly bear [First Dude/Sarah Palin], Newt should abandon the race and go on to wife #4, leaving Mitt the spoils, and so, saving himself.